Saturday, December 25, 2010
What Christmas Really Means...
What Christmas Really Means…
Grace had been working a double shift for the past two months trying to prepare for Christmas. Every time she felt she had the money to go get the kids some presents, something else “came up”. You know, those things that always come up…. Groceries, light bill, RENT. Grace never seem to be able to keep her head above water, let alone have money to buy gifts.
Grace had awesome kids, Elizabeth, Lizzy for short and Leah. Lizzy and Leah were very responsible, very loving, and very accepting kids. They knew the struggles their mother endured, but they accepted it. They smiled, and would always comfort Grace when she came home from a double shift and say, “mom, it won’t be like this always, God will see us through”… It was funny, it was the same thing that Grace would tell them when their dad wouldn’t send money like he was supposed too.
Richard was a son of a preacher, and married. But not married to their mother. They were both born out of an affair, so Lizzy and Leah never knew what it felt like to have a real father… They only had a secret father. Grace kept allowing Richard to come around because he promised her that he was going to leave his wife, year, after year, after year… But he never did. Richards wife was pregnant the same time that Grace was pregnant with Leah. Richard promised that as soon as the baby was old enough, and the wife went back to work, he was going to leave her. But he never did. But the married men never do. Instead, Richard got a promotion, moved his family out of state, changed his number, closed his email account – and made sure that Grace would not find a way to contact him. The kids haven’t seen him since he left. Four years ago...
Grace worked so hard and felt like her body and her mind was shutting down. The only thing she considered was Christmas. What was she going to get the girls for Christmas? They were 8 and 6, and managed the home so well. Staying home alone after they get home from school, Lizzy microwaving dinner for the both of them until Grace came home at 10 oclock, Lizzy made sure all of the homework was completed, and that Leah got in the bed on time. Thank God for Ms. Anne, their neighbor who would watch the girls come in from the bus, and would check on them through out the evening. A lot of responsibility for a 10 year old. Grace knew she had no choice but to make sure that the girls got what they wanted, they had been through enough.
Its now the week before Christmas and Grace realizes that she just doesn’t have the money to get the girls anything. She’s sitting in her room crying, contemplating the next step. She knows that real money is just a phone call away, she can call her ex – Shon – a drug dealer- and tell him what she needs for the girls, and she will have it hands down – but she also knows that she will owe a debt to Shon that she is not willing to pay. Grace sits on the side of her bed weeping – knowing that she has put her self in this predicament. She has caused it. Against better judgment and advice and warning from the Lord himself, she got involved with a man she knew would never love her, knew would never be the man that he was supposed to be but all she knew was that she wanted to be loved… Or have some semblance of it.
Grace goes back and forth, not knowing what to do, call Shon and end up owing him something and getting back involved with a life she fought to leave – or not be able to pay her girls back for all that she put them through. There has to be a way. Grace spends her night, praying and crying, contemplating, reaching for the phone, dialing the number, hanging up. Finally – she goes to sleep….
Only to be awakened by the touch of a gentle hand on her shoulder – she turns around to see a man standing over her. She gasps, but for some reason--- is not afraid….
(part 2 tomorrow)